I know you’re thinking “I don’t remember a movie with Richard Gere called Autumn in New York”. I know, I shouldn’t either. I only remember it because I saw it in the theater with my friend Katie in college. Maybe I cried during it, who knows. But that’s a conversation for another time.

Watch me segue into the next part of this story, smooth as butter: The same Katie that I saw Autumn in New York with just came to visit me in New York!

Katie is also the same Katie that I’m going to visit for problem #82. We were peanut butter and jelly in high school. She would pick me up in the Dynasty (she got her license first) and we’d go to Taco Bell and then cruise around aimlessly. We were also quite fond of a board game called Heart Throb. Heart Throb came with cards that displayed photos of hunky 80s teens and somehow by the end you would find out which Throb you’d end up with. Our feminist foremothers worked hard for this, people.

Photo courtesy of the internet

In our version, though, we just threw the cards in a pile, and took turns flipping them over. If you were the unlucky lady to draw the “Trevor” card (he was the creepy Throb of the bunch, he had a permed mullet and ill-fitting jeans) you would get your ass kicked by the rest of the group. Sort of like a suburban white-girl gang initiation ritual.

When we hang out now it’s basically the exact same except now we trade Taco Bell for expensive Thai food and wine bars. We also don’t punch each other anymore. And sometimes we talk about adult things like our 401Ks, and tearing up moldy flooring, which is SOOO boring.

We did all kinds of fun New York tourist things while she was here; went to Chinatown and haggled for junk, went to Times Square where I almost had a nervous breakdown, saw the play August:Osage County, which was so damn good. The mom from Rosanne was in it, she was fricking amazing. The play was 4 hours long, and my adult ADD didn’t even kick in, I sat nicely through the whole thing. We were also going to do the double decker red bus tour around New York, as it is one of my problems, but did you know that it costs $50!? What a rip-off. I’m changing that problem to something that is a reasonable price, or something that is an expensive price, but is an experience that will enrich my life.

We did do something on my list though (Get Smart, Problem #32), we saw Jane Goodall speak at the 92nd street Y.  This is part of the Giants of Science series hosted by Robert Krulwich. He’s one of the main reasons I wanted to go to this – he hosts a show on WNYC called Radio Lab, and I love him and his co-host Jad Abumrad. Go download the Radio Lab podcasts right this second if you’ve never heard them. They discuss mind-blowing topics like infinite universes, time, memory, and self in fun and tidy 45 min. packages.

I hate to say this, but Robert kind of disappointed me. He asked Jane Goodall silly questions, or would repeat things she already said. For example, she told a lovely story about one of the chimps she studied – she offered this chimp some nuts, and he turned his head away. She offered again, and he turned his head away again, but this time he also closed his hand over her extended hand, which she said she took as him acknowledging that he knew she was giving him her nuts, kind of his way of saying “no thank you, but I appreciate the offer. ” Right after this Robert said “But do you think he was REALLY acknowledging the offer? Or was it just a coincedince that he grabbed your hand?” Total buzzkill, man.

In other news, Riki and I are obsessed with Mad Men. Have you been watching it? That show is so damn good. I like Roger Sterling, Joan Holloway and Peggy the best. Riki doesn’t like Peggy and this causes tension in our relationship. My least favorite character is Peter Campbell’s wife. But I do a gangbusters impression of her if I do say so myself. I also kind of hate Don Draper. But I won’t say anything else in case you haven’t seen it.

Til next time, which I promise will be sooner than a month.

Have you heard about Olafur Eliasson’s Waterfalls exhibit in New York? Some people seem to love them, and some people think they are $15 million scaffolds with water pouring off of them. People on the NY Times City Room blog are all in a tizzy over it, here are a few comments I enjoyed:

The Brooklyn Bridge is throwing up.
If only it could jump off itself.
— Posted by Dan

Well put, Dan. Bravo to you, sir!

As stated in the article, 2.1 million gallons are pumped every hour between the four waterfalls ranging from 90? to 120? (so take 100? as a conservative average). Calculating the total energy used in one hour is therefore (you can plug the following into google):

(2100000 gallons/hour)*(1000 kilogram/(meter^3))*(9.8 meter/second^2)*(100 feet)*(1 hour) in kilowatt*hour

= 660 kWh

If electricity costs 15 cents per kWh in NYC, then you’re looking at about $100 per hour. For a 15 hour operating day (7am - 10pm), you’re looking at $1500 per day. Not to mention the fact that this entire analysis is assuming 100% efficiency of the pumps. If they are only 60% efficient, then you’re talking about $2500 per day just to pump the water.

And I thought my electric bill was high…
— Posted by Greg

From Greg, who hasn’t gotten laid in 14 years.

And finally,

How lame it is!
— Posted by gianduio

Lame, indeed, Gianduio!

Anyway, I woke up Saturday on my Premium-grade air mattress with not a whole lot planned for the day, and decided that I’d knock out a problem and walk over the Brooklyn Bridge, and also see the Waterfalls while I was at it. I took my iPod, and two pair of shoes (because basically every pair of shoes hurts me eventually) and headed out. The Brooklyn Bridge is only 2 miles from my house, so I figured after crossing it and getting on a train, I’d walk a total of about 3.5 miles. But once I crossed the bridge, I just kept going. Maybe it was the beauty or the “lameness “of it all, or the high cost of electricity to run the waterfalls, but something just kept me going.

Here you can see my route, it was 8.25 miles total. I think it took me 4.5 hours. The dizzy feeling hit on the W-burg Bridge. Next time I need to pack snacks. And if you’re wondering what that detour is at the end, Built by Wendy is having a sale. And I was so dizzy that I bought a few things.

I ate like a horse when I got home, had a glass of wine and then passed out.

Here are a few photos from the journey, and my deep thoughts on the waterfalls:

Here is a photo on the BK Bridge walking towards Manhattan.

On the BK Bridge I could see 3 waterfalls at once, and I thought it was pretty. They’re very calming and it’s really beautiful to have something organic and moving in grey, still surroundings. God, my Art History teachers would be horrified at that sentence.

Walking under the Manhattan Bridge…

This way to the falls!

And then…

Eh. Scaffolding with water coming off of it. Just like the nay-sayers nay-said.

And finally to the Williamsburg bridge.

In conclusion: Keep your distance when viewing the Waterfalls. Don’t walk 8 miles and then go shopping. A glass of wine leads to a good nap. And another problem solved.

The only people who really read this blog are my dad and Riki, and 2-3 friends, depending on how many enemies I’ve made in the past week. (Hi dad, hi riki, hi friends!) There are some of you though, who stumble on my blog by googling things like “out of breath when I climb” (yes, me too) or “all about potholes from acne” (what? sick…) and a few pervy things I won’t mention.

So this news, this problem 90 announcement is for you, the people who aren’t my dad or Riki or friends: Riki and I are moving to New York!

This is New York.

Problem 90 was going to be some sort of big life change, but when I declared it, I wasn’t exactly sure what that change would be. So this is it, here it is, we’re moving. This will definitely present some logistical challenges for some of my problems - I’ll figure them out as I go. But look for a whole bunch of NYC related problems to be announced soon. Oh, and a question for my readers: do you think it’s cheating if I make finding an apartment a problem? Please say no.

And Chicago friends, be advised that there will be a bunch of problems crammed into the next few weeks… margarita party? you guys free?

This post is dedicated to Riki. Riki is the Micky to my Rocky.

He’s been getting my ass in gear to take care of this blog business, which in case you didn’t notice, and I know you did, I’ve been getting some shit done. On Friday, as I was putting on my grey sweat suit to go jog around town, he said “OK kid, what’re we gonna do for the blog this weekend, eh?!” He helped me pick 6 things to do (4 which we did do, including watching the bane of my existence Brewster’s Millions), and then he sent me out to chase some chickens in a circle for a while. Sorry, enough of that.

Sunday we woke up to a miserable spring Chicago day. The weather in Chicago really is a joy, I could just snuggle it for hours. It was pouring buckets, and when we walked outside I was nearly knocked over by the wind. At one point I just stood and yelled and leaned into the wind, because that was all that there was to be done.

We finally made it (by bus) to the Museum of Surgical Science. The Museum is so awesome - It’s an old mansion on Lake Shore Drive at North Avenue. The second you walk in you already feel creeped out, but in that cool way, like walking through a cemetery. The building itself is amazing - everything about it feels full of history. It has a huge marble staircase, long empty rooms and corridors.. It’s the kind of place that if I was ever locked inside overnight (it’s possible, it happens in every Nancy Drew novel, right?) I would just lay in the corner and weep, and then slowly go insane. All before morning.

Here are some pictures to help you get an idea of the place. But really, you should go. (Disclosure: The museum has paid me $5,000,000 in unmarked bills to review it on my blog)

Let me tell you about this photo. This is an amputation set, circa 1700-1800. How absolutely wonderful.

There are these really beautiful paintings all throughout the museum, even if the subject matter is hard to stomach. This guy was nice enough to show us the Ye Olde Time Amputation set in action.

This woman is doing a little better. Actually, maybe she’s just dead. Note to self: Do not have a kid, ever.

This guy comes alive at midnight and murders you if you’re around.

Here is where I started to get nauseous.

This was sad - it’s an iron lung used to treat kids with polio in the 40s and 50s.

These are Trephines, circa 1800-1900. The card says “Used to drill holes in patient’s skulls.” Wow. Here is where I threw up a little bit.

And here’s this guy, he was treated with a trephine. Apparently this does not kill you. I won’t argue this.

This one is for all my male readers. All one of you.

And, another skull with a hole. This makes me appreciate a fully intact skull.

I spared you some of the grossest parts of the exhibit, like the glass case full of kidney stones. wtf!

Afterwards, we were sooo hungry as you can imagine, so we hopped back on the bus and rode up to Ras Dashen for Ethiopian food. I’ve never been there before, and it was really, really delicious. A perfect warm, spicy meal for a cold and rainy Sunday. I had a great Ethiopian beer with mine, and in the process, I checked number 40 off the list. Well, we didn’t bike to the restaurant, but we did ride the bus for 2 years to get there, and 2 years home, so I’m counting it.

In conclusion: I suggest you go to the museum, get grossed out, go get Ethiopian food, and then head home for a nap. It makes for a good day.

This weekend, a full month after it showed up in our mailbox, I did the impossible… I finished Brewster’s Millions.

I could give you a review, tell you my deepest thoughts, explain how it changed me forever, but it didn’t so I won’t. I will say, if you are dying to watch an 80s comedy one day in the near future, leave this one for further down the list. Maybe even last, or never, on the list. Watch The Jerk or something of this quality first. I know The Jerk was released in 1979, but what’s a year?

In place of my review, watch this instead. Then, I’ll tell you again, go rent The Jerk.

OK, I think I figured it out. It’s John Candy. I don’t like John Candy. I know it isn’t right to speak ill of those who are no longer with us, but I just want to punch him in the arm so hard.

There is a lesson in here somewhere… what I thought would be my easiest problem became the most challenging. I will think about this more after I go have a snack.

You know what’s cool? When you’re going about your Saturday, minding your business, and all of a sudden your friends call to say “Hi, we have two tickets to the Cubs game, do you want to go? Oh, also, they’re skybox tickets, hope thats ok.”

Mmmm, yeah, I guess that’s ok.

Henry and Anne invited Riki and I to the game Saturday, and it was my first, and probably only, skybox experience of my life. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go to a game and sit in the stands like a common folk ever again after being so rich for an afternoon. So. Rich.

Did you know you get free food in a skybox? Free beer (New Castle! wtf!), Free veggie plate that had asparagus on it, Free fruit plate with mother effing star fruit and pineapple, Free nuts and chips and pretzels, and on and on. There is also a TV in the room in case sitting on the seats and watching the real game just isn’t cutting it. Plus, you sit in your own little section that separates you from the jerks in other sections.

Mmm, yes, this is much better. Now bring me some champagne!

Later, after we gorged ourselves on food and beer, after we thought “Things just can’t get better” well, they did. The dessert cart girl showed up in all her glory…

You were allowed to pick anything from this cart. ANE-EE-THING. And, you can’t see, but on the top of the cart there were a bunch of dessert liquors that she poured for us into shot glasses. Oh, they were chocolate shot glasses. You could eat the shot glass is what I’m saying. This was basically every childhood dream I’ve ever had come true. Without the liquor part. And a pony was missing, if there was a pony I would have just laid in the corner and passed out.

Anne got a sundae and a little cubs hat…

Riki got snickers cheesecake.. look! that little thing next to it is the choc shot.

I’m not sure what Henry got, but it has ice cream on it…

Now, you might be wondering, why am i posting about this? Well, you probably forgot that in the Random Category, number 92 is “Go to a cubs game and sit in the skybox”. Yeah, you forgot, right! Problem solved, one off the list for me, suckers.

Wait til you see all the other stuff I did this weekend.. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow. Spoiler alert: I survived Brewster’s Millions!

Ok, so I ran the mofo Flying Pig half marathon, and it was actually really fun.

I knew I would be glad I did it once it was over, it was the whole leading up to it part I wasn’t excited about.

I’ve done this kind of stuff before, but in the past I actually trained and was ready. Real training, like waking up at 6am to run 18 miles. But that was 2004 me. I’m no 2004 me anymore.

Following is the training plan for 2008 me:

Monday: Walk down stairs 4 times. Walk up stairs 4 times. Walk to the kitchen 30 times. Lean over the bed and look for the remote. Pull self up from leaning.

Tuesday: Most of Monday + Ride bike to work, press elevator button 6 times with right finger, repeat 3 times with left.

Wednesday: Some of Monday and Tuesday with a sprinkle of practicing dance moves.

Thursday: 1 push up. Punch Riki in the arm x 2, followed by 3 reps of walking to the liquor store.

Friday: Repeat Monday, plus hold curling iron up for 30 seconds on right side, repeat on left side. Continue until arms get shaky and weak.

And weekends off, of course. But you knew that.

I’ve been on this grueling plan for 3 months, until two weeks ago when I started getting annoying emails every 2 hours from the race organizers reminding me what I had agreed to. EF! So I started cramming for the final and running between 3-6 miles every other day or so. But I wasn’t fooling myself, I knew this shit was gonna be hard and I was not really ready. 3 miles plus 10 more was what I had ahead of me.

With all this in mind, I drove to Cincinnati with Anne and Michelle. Then, as humiliating as this is to admit, we went to Chili’s. But not just went, we google text messaged to find one, and then drove 40 min out of the way to get there. This was the pre-race plan. I also might have had a margarita, it’s all fuzzy now…

But look, here’s Paula Radcliff, super marathon woman who had a kid like a week before winning the NYC marathon. I saw an interview with her once and she said before every race she eats her weight in french fries and has a margarita. Yeah, she said that. See? I’m in good company.

proof!

Anyway, the race went pretty well. I got a serious side stitch at like mile 9, and walked it off for probably a half mile or so.

I finished in 2:26, which I’m happy with… I really thought it would go much worse. Much, much worse.

Also, sorry for the poor quality of these images… I had the camera on some funky setting, plus I was running and all sweaty and uncomfortable. I was in no frame of mind to fix it.

here we are at the start, lined up like a bunch of jerks.

The run was actually really really pretty… we crossed a bunch of bridges.

Michelle and I post race, pre-pigging out. We are Americans first, race finishers second.

Yes, I know it’s April.*

I know it’s April, and I have 4 problems finished, and that averages one per month, I know this.

Not on track for success, you might be thinking, but I disagree. Do you know how cold and horrible and snowy it’s been in Chicago? I’m not trying to make excuses for myself here, I’m just sayin’ all I want to do is stay in and watch movies. I do not feel like going out and taking the world by storm when it’s 37 degrees outside. I feel like taking my couch by storm, or the refrigerator by storm.

But rest assured, once it’s above 50 degrees for more than 1 day in row, I’ll be doing so much you won’t know what hit you! Just wait, just you wait!

Moving on, look! Another problem solved. I took a Knife Skillz class at The Chopping Block with Amy and Chris.

I rode my bike there from work, and completely underestimated how long it would take - I thought 35 min, but in reality it was almost an hour, then I took a wrong turn, so needless to say, I was about 5-10 min late.

I barged in on the pie-making class, all sweaty and a big mess, and you know how when you ride your bike a long way you get a runny nose? I had that too.

They had to pause the class to register me, and I said to the woman “I.. *breath, breath, breath* just rode my bike…*breath, breath, breath*… So far.. Sorry…*breath, breath, breath*..I’m all flustered…”

She gave me that smile people give you when they are silently judging and thinking about how they managed to come to in to the class freshly showered, what a shame that you didn’t.

She led me upstairs where I then interrupted the class I was signed up for. I’m full of good manners.

The class itself went fairly smoothly. We were given a knife lecture, and all I remember from it is that knives are expensive and come from Germany or Japan. Then our teacher had us chop different vegetables, teaching us the importance of… DUH DUH DUNNNNNN….THE CLAW!

Amy demonstrates the claw. Nice job girl.

The claw is a technique wherein you curl your pinky and ring finger back so they don’t get chopped off, and then hold the object down with your first and middle finger curled under kinda funky. It’s very uncomfortable and felt weird, but you know, safety first.

We also learned how to chop properly, and what was amusing about this part of the class was that our teacher had an assistant who didn’t always agree with what she said. She would show how to chop Vegetable A, and he would go around and mumble something like “well, SHE does it THIS way, but I do it THIS way…” then she would be hot on his heels correcting us back to HER way. Move on to vegetable B, and repeat.

You could tell that they secretly hated each other, and I sort of got a kick out of it. She even sent him off to get her more onions at one point. SNAP!

That’s like $30,000 in knives right there. Daaaaang.

In the end, I left the class with the desire to own a fancy knife, the realization that I really don’t know anything about cooking, the smell of onions on my hands, and most importantly with a problem solved.
*Rant based completely on one comment.. simon.

You’ll be shocked to find out that since my last post 3 years ago I made some cupcakes. Life is buckwild and unpredictable these days - one minute I could be watching Dances with Wolves: The Directors Cut, and the next minute I might be taking the train to work or going to the post office. You just never know.

For #43 last week Riki made pizzas for us while I cheered him on and chopped a jalapeno. He had real things on his pizza while I had fake things on my pizza that are made in a lab somewhere to taste like the real things. And they don’t quite taste like them, but man, that was one good pizza.

Aw, so cute, they’re snuggling. Opposites really do attract.

Then, in honor of easter and my love of all things pastel, I made red-velvet cupcakes from Vegan Cupcakes take over the world. Look at that icing, it’s shiny for crying out loud.

I have more things to write about that don’t include food. I’ll do this tomorrow, or in April.

Last night Riki and I had Lance and Liz, who own Permanent Records, over for dinner. Permanent is a local Chicago record store/label. It was really fun hanging out with them, and inspiring to hear their story about starting their own business, and doing something they really love, especially coming from people who are our age. Very cool.

Riki made the best dinner everrrr for the occasion: spinach and potato enchiladas, a side of asparagus, and home made guacamole. Oh man, I wish I was eating an enchilada right this second. I also made Tiramisu cupcakes, of course from Vegan Cupcakes take over the World, as problem #43. Check it out:

These even have booze in them. And coffee. And chocolate. A cupcake trifecta, some might say.

One more, why not.

And finally, not that this is big news if you live here, but look, it’s snowing in Chicago again today! How absolutely wonderful.

I curse you!!!