All mushed out

April 27th, 2008

I am so lucky.

I got my wisdom teeth yanked out of my head a few days ago, and it was so painless and easy. I’ve heard so many horror stories about people being awake through the whole thing, or actually feeling it, or having to go to multiple dentists, etc etc, but my story, it was something like this:

7:30 am: Wake up and think about having coffee, but wind up feeling mad and confused at the world after remembering that the dentist said “No food or drinks 6 hrs before surgery”

9 am: Get picked up by Riki and drive to the dentist. Think about how it’s fun to not be at work when I should be. My coworkers are suckers.

9:30 am: Fork over tons of cash so some dude can pull teeth out of my head and then drive his BMW with a solid gold steering wheel home.

9:45 am: Get hooked up to some machine that beeps along with my heart. Notice how if I breath really slow I can get down to 62 bpm, and conversely, when I think about being put under and oh my god, what if I just die right then and there I go up to 95 bpm. Feel awkward and wonder if the nurse notices and is judging me. It’s ok, she has 90s hair.

9:55 am: Dentist comes in and puts a thing on my face and tells me to take deep breaths. Dentist then proceeds to make “flying high” and “sleep soundly” jokes. Even in a drugged up state I am conscious enough to avoid eye contact and pretend like I didn’t hear him. Then he asks if I want to keep the teeth. I hear myself from three rooms away say, “That’s gross, no!” and then drift off….

10 something am: Barely remember anything, except now Riki is in the room and the nurse is giving me a prescription for Vicodin and telling me how I probably won’t need it, and I could sell it if I don’t use it. Really. She said to sell it. I’m not though.

Rest of the day: Take a nap, watch TV, go buy Marc Jacobs sunglasses (a birthday present from my dad!) Have drinks with friends later. And eat tons of mushy food. Soup, hummus, black beans, smoothies. Yuck. No more mushy food for me, ever.

And that was it. I didn’t even get puffy cheeks or anything, but does sort of feel weird having teeth missing. I’ll miss those guys.

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