Only two days away.

I don’t know about any of you, but I’d happily erase February from memory forever. For-ev-errr.

It has been a month full of terrible news, god-awful weather, little exercise, bad hair days, foul moods, and just negative energy in general. I think I’ve worn the same thing every single day because I don’t care right now.
Come on March… come on spring…

First of all, I want to apologize for neglecting you, the loyal reader, and also you, 99 Blog. I’m sorry I haven’t posted in over a week. I have no excuse, and am here on bended knee asking you to take me back. I’m so sorry. I love you.

Now that that’s out of the way, lets move on to what you’ve all been waiting a whole week for - the You Tell me What to do vote. It was a tight race, this one, with 26 people fighting to change the face of this blog forever.

Ok, so it wasn’t really a tight race at all. You all knew karaoke would win, and it did. I even went to Live Band Karaoke last weekend just to get used to the idea of it. Riki wanted me to go ahead and sing and get it over with, but that would have been against the rules since the voting wasn’t over. These problems are all about the rules.

And, here it is: Problem #60 Sing Karaoke in front of a bunch of people

Just so you guys know, I can’t sing at all, and am a little shaken at the thought of getting up in front of the leather jacket bro-crowd at the Pontiac to sing. I will more than likely need 7 vodka sodas to get me ready for this one.

Thanks to everyone who voted, and double thanks for not making me organize a g-damned snowball fight. I would have been swearing under my breath like crazy if I had to do that.

I am a little sad though, that Barack Obama didn’t win.

PS - For anyone keeping tabs, I rode my bike twice last week, didn’t go to yoga at all, (see the right side bar for up to the minute progress) and made vegan chili for Problem #43.  But it was kind of ugly and not very photogenic, so I spared you that one.

The pain and suffering I go through for this blog. It took me 36 hours to figure out how to create a poll. If this doesn’t work I quit!

Now, before you run off and vote for your favorite problem below, I wanted to mention that I’m leaving a space for write-ins. You guys don’t just have to suggest things that are pleasant or benefit anyone, or build my character. You can suggest things that might embarrass me or are just silly. For example, I would not be above renting a theme-park style costume in the middle of summer, going to the beach and handing out popsicles to people. That’s just an example. Actually, maybe I’ll make that a real problem, that sounds really fun.

Do your citizen-ly duty and vote!

Polls will be closed Monday February 25, 2008. Or tomorrow if none of you come through for me.

I don’t really feel like writing right now, I’m so sleepy and had the lamest weekend in the history of weekends. Next weekend I’m gonna go set some stuff on fire and rob a liquor store to make up for how stupid this weekend was.

I did do one cute thing this week though, in honor of Valentine’s Day (which I’m undecided, do I like Valentines Day, or do I dislike it? I suppose I don’t feel strongly either way.) I baked heart shaped sugar cookies using this recipe here. Halfway through, at about 11pm I was really regretting that I decided to make them, but I prevailed, fighting my way to the top.

So cute. Love all around. Note that I decided the hot pink accent icing was a bad idea after a few tries.

In other V-day news, Riki took me on a hot date to Kuma’s. I don’t eat meat, so going to a burger place might not seem like my hot-date dream, but this place seriously rules - It has a metal theme for crying out loud.

I wish I was there right now.

oh - one more thing - Tomorrow the poll will be up! That is, if I can figure out how to do a poll.

So, I’ve decided to extend my “You tell me what to do” poll for one more post. I’ve had 4 submissions so far, and they’re all such good ideas that I think I might just make them all problems. But first, I thought I’d open it up one more time for you to boss me around, so again, You Tell Me What to Do! Leave a comment or email me an idea of something you want to see me accomplish. You can even be anonymous, I don’t care. Then I promise I’ll make a poll and you can vote. Won’t that be so fun?

Anyway, on to this past weeks Problem #43: Make a vegan recipe. You guys don’t even know, I outdid myself. Sometimes, when I’m making these recipes, I have to stop for a moment and reflect back.. back to August 2007… back to when I couldn’t chop a vegetable, back to when the only spice I owned was oregano and salt. Who was I then? Who am I now? And why don’t I own a proper kitchen timer or an apron?

These are the questions that plague me.

What did I make this week? Well, of course it is from Veganomicon: Eggplant Rollatini. This was a fairly easy recipe, it just had like 90 little steps. It has fake ricotta cheese made out of tofu. So freaking cute.

To make this recipe, I had to ride my bike to Stanley’s to get the Eggplant, and it was 2 degrees out, and the condensation from my breath made my eyelashes freeze together! That was the first time that has happened to me, all the while I was thinking (not for the first time) “Why do I live here? I am forgetting right now why I live here.”

Do you think Rachel Ray ever rides her bike in 2 degrees to get her bullshit recipe ingredients? No. I can tell you no. She doesn’t.

And so, I present the 2 degree Eggplant Rollatini, with roasted asparagus and portobello mushrooms. Please forgive the horrible photo.

And the leftovers are even better….

Look! Look to your left.. Do you see? I’ve crossed out Problem #22! I joined a women’s baseball team… Rejoice!

I’m happy I joined, and practice was fun and all (more on that later) but really, I’m just thrilled that I finally could cross something off this horrible list and changed my cute little masthead above to say, “My 98 Problems”. This is a boost that I’m in desperate need of. This is the 15 pounds lost in one week Biggest Loser episode of my blog. I may be standing up here with just a sports bra on, but goddammit, I crossed off a problem!

The baseball team I joined is called The Chicago Skyline. I’ve only met 2 team members, and someone else who I think was our manager? Or maybe she’s a team member too, I’m not sure. But they all seem like the bee’s knees so far. The practice wasn’t an official practice per se, it was more of a warm up. Or for me, an I-haven’t-thrown-a-ball-in-10-years, sorry-I-almost-smashed-your-skull-just-then-up.

The warm-up had women from other teams in the league, too, like the Chicago Gems. I think these women train MLB players on their days off. Whilst blindfolded. Seriously, they were hitting line-drives like i’ve never seen. And pitching baseball style, so fast. So fast. I used to be a fast-pitch softball pitcher, but compared to this, that shit was kiddie tee-ball.

I have a feeling that before the season is up I will have:

- lost a tooth

- maybe have broken something

- increased my daily swearing my 60%

- Big arm muscles*

*Big being relative to what current arm muscles are now, with final size not to exceed that of a 10-year-old boy. Not available in all areas. Check future posts of my99problems.com for details.

We practice again the week after next. I just can’t wait to wear fancy baseball pants and pull my socks up high. I think i’ll get that anti-glare business for my eyes, too.

Curses !

I didn’t have a flat today on the way home from work (only 1 flat this week, a miracle), but my chain fell off when I ran over The World’s Biggest Pothole, got caught in-betwixt my cog and wheel, made the loudest noise ever that made me almost pee my pants, then snapped in half.

Cuurrrsess!!

Have you guys noticed all the potholes that have just appeared in Chicago out of nowhere? There are always potholes of course, but these things are giant, out of control, swimming pool sized. I heard on NPR this morning (yes, NPR, I’m sooooo fancy) something about Chicago’s emergency pothole project. Anyone know anything about that?

ok, that’s all. I’m so tired. And I have baseball practice tomorrow. Ah! I’m nervous!

I forgot to add: Riki and I opened an online savings account to chuck money into for our South American Ecuador / Venezuela trip. (Problems #80 and #83)

Hooray! We have $110 in there already!

We are rich! Rich I say! And also I say: Good thing we have 6 more months to save!

As promised yesterday, updates!

- I have baseball practice this Saturday! Hooray for Get Healthy’s Problem #22!

I’m going to count it as “complete” after my first practice, because lord knows I need to check something off this godforsaken list. But I’ll update you as I go! With pictures even!

I am nervous for this though, since I haven’t played baseball or softball in a million billion years. This summer, look for me to be warming a bench at a baseball diamond near you.

- I have two new problems to add to the aforementioned Get Healthy category… Are you ready? Are you ready? Good, because I’m not.

1) Problem #24: Run the Cincinnati Flying Pig half-Marathon with Michelle and Anne on May 4th. Why am I doing this?

For one, I really like Pigs. I think they might be my favorite animal. For two, Michelle mentioned it to me last week, and I thought “you know, this will really be the kick in the pants I need to get running again.”

And so I agreed, not thinking about how May is really close, and how I don’t really like to run too much, and this means I have to get up early to train, and I really hate that, etc. etc.

I should also say that I ran the 2004 Chicago Marathon, and when I heard the words half-marathon, I thought, “Oh yes, I can do that! I did a full one!” But again, I wasn’t thinking how much work it was, and how, although I was glad I did it, it was a great life experience, etc. etc., I vowed to never do it again. Now I am realizing that even half of the pain and suffering I felt that day is still a shit load of pain and suffering.

Dammit! Dammit I say! But, I agreed, so there it is.

2) Speaking of pigs, which I love, did you guys see this article on pig-brain disease? Why hello, here is another good reason to not eat meat. So gross!

3) Another Problem to add to Get Healthy - Problem #25: Do the Danskin Chicagoland Womens Triathalon. This one also involves Michelle, she’s all in to doing sporty, torturous things like triathlons, and she said she’d kill my cat Smew and poison Riki if I don’t do it, so you see, I have to. But this one is 159 days away, and that’s a lot of days. So I’ll procrastinate until it’s 9 days away, then I’ll be swearing the gods above, swearing to the Michelle above, and be scrambling to get my ass in shape.

I think the rest of my problems/goals from here on out will be to take some really sweet naps.

Tomorrow’s post: I’ll put up reader-submitted goals like I said I would do today, yesterday. I really will, really.

And also to Julio: The problems won’t win! I shake my fist at you now!

Hooray! It is already February 4th, which means I should only really hate everything for about four more weeks, and then just mildly hate everything for the two weeks following. Then, it’s smooth sailing aaaallllll the way til December 26th, 2008, when it all starts again. I can do six more weeks. I can do it!

Funny that I should bring up the weather, as it is making it very difficult to complete problem #21: Ride my bike to work 3 days a week.

Last week, I had 2 flats on the way in to work, which makes me very grumpy, and, see above (hate everything). I can deal with a flat on the way home ( I had one tonight), because I don’t get all stressed about being the jerk that comes in late to work everyday. I simply curse all that is good in the world and trudge home. At the very least, I am hoping I got the flats out of the way for a while, and won’t have another one for a month or two.

This “no flat tires for a while” theory is similar to my “make a fool of myself” theory: You know when you say something that is so incredibly embarrassing, or offensive to the person you’re telling it to, or you tell a joke that totally bombs, and you do it in front of a person or people you don’t really know? Well, as horribly painful as these moments are, I find comfort in them, because I know at least they are out of the way for the time being. It will be a good 4-6 months until I say another life-altering offensive thing, and I can go home and tuck myself into bed and think “It’s over. It’s over, for now, rest your little head and get some sleep. It’s over.”

So that’s my flat tire news. In the interest of being honest, I will tell you that I have 3 bike rides to make up. and 2 yoga classes. Stop judging me!

See!? how could I ride in this mess?

In other news, I once again completed Problem #43 with flying colors, I’m a superstar. I don’t know who I’m kidding, I should have just made this a cooking blog. But I didn’t, so you’ll just have to get through this one with me. I promise to have some better content for you once it warms up.

Here it is, some food I made this weekend, all from Veganomicon: Chickpea cutlets with mushroom gravy, Herb-scalloped potatos (which I burned just slightly), and roasted asparagus… mmmmm…..

followed by our old friends…. dun da da duhhhhn!:

S’mores cupcakes from Vegan Cupcakes take over the World. Deeeee-licious.

Stay tuned for tomorrow!: Some fun updates on problems that don’t involve cooking! New problems from you, the faithful readers of this blog, get added to the list! We’ll discuss thrilling adult-things like opening a savings account for the South America trip, and finally, I’ll come close to having a Britney Spears-esq breakdown over the weather!

Time for bed. Love, me.